Revision doesn't work.

Right.

OK.

I'm fed up.

I'm going to prove to you that revision doesn't work for everyone, and that I am one of the people it doesn't work for.

I am revising now, and I am going to give you a blow by blow account of everything that happens. Along with the time it happens at.

OK?
Ready?
The time is 4:11.
Let's start.

4:11: I'm reading about the Miller's Tale on Wikipedia.

4:15: Well....that was quick. I've found a critic now, so I'm reading that...

4:17: You know what? I really hope the exam question is on the description of Alison, coz I'm really good at that bit. Mainly because it's the easiest, and most interesting bit. Anyway. Back to work.

4:18: Actually, I think I'll research the Knight's Tale, because although thats not what the exam is on, it would be good if I could compare the 2 Tales.

4:20: I'm listening to some rubbish music at the moment. I need to quickly make a playlist. It won't take long...

4:24: The Beatles would probably be a good thing to listen to, because they are considered a classic now, like the Canterbury Tales, and they are mostly dead, like Chaucer (who is, in fact, totally dead).

4:25: I just learnt a new word. 'Servility'. It means 'abject or cringing submissiveness', and is apparently a quality that the perfect Medieval woman had. That is nothing like Alison. Thats good. I can talk about it in the exam. As long as the question is about Alison....

4:28: I reeeeeeeeally hope the question is about Alison. Theres only about 4 characters that the question can be on. So theres like, a 25% chance it will be about her. Unless they ask questions about Chaucer. Or life in 13th Century Britain. Honestly, thats so stupid. If I wanted to learn about 13th Century Britain I would have picked History instead of English Lit.
Anyway. Back to work.

4:31: I need a drink.

4:36: I'm back. But it can't possibly have taken me 5 mins to get a drink. Thats ridiculous. Maybe I need to start walking faster.

4:38: Wow. The Canterbury Tales were banned in a school in the USA for being 'too lewd'. That was in 1995. It must have been in one of those Puritan or Amish settlement places they have, because I like to think that the average Briton is less crude than the average Yankee.

4:41: Hahaha.... Geoffrey Chaucer's dad was kidnapped by his aunt when he was 12, because she wanted to force him to marry her daughter so that they could cheat the law and keep a property somewhere. Talk about having a dysfunctional family. No wonder Geoff ended up writing slightly rude stories when he grew up. Freak. Do you think he'd mind people calling him Geoff? Is that like calling Shakespeare 'Will'?

4:43: Or 'Willy'! Hahaha..... *ahem*

4:44: My toes are cold.

4:45: Chaucer wrote in continental accentual-syllabic metre. Whatever that is.

4:47: Ooooookay. This is getting really boring. I'll revise Biology instead.

4:48: 'Theres nothing you can do that can't be done, nothing you can sing that can't be sung....'
Why does this song start with the French national anthem? Is it a subliminal message, trying to make us love french people or something?

4:50: Hey......I just invented my first conspiracy theory without even realising it!

4:51: Is it morally wrong to make up conspiracy theories about songs written by people who are now dead, and unable to defend themselves?

4:52: Well....Paul McCartney can defend it. He helped write it.

4:54: Maybe I should keep my conspiracy theory to myself. It wouldn't be fair to Paul. He's trying to get over the break up of his marriage. It would be insensitive of me to shove him back into the public eye when he is already feeling vulnerable and used.

4:55: And tbh, I'm probably not the first person to have thought about the subliminal message thing.... Irritatingly, all of my greatest thoughts have already been thought of by someone else.

4:58: The AS Guru website has animations of how molecules join together to make bigger molecules! Thats exciting!

5:10: It's quite therapeutic to watch polypeptides forming. Like watching tropical fish or something.... The two amino acids move closer together, and then the water molecule slides out so gracefully........and then, POW, the amino acids join up and form a dipeptide. And then another amino acid comes along, moves up close, another water molecule slides out, and, POW, they bond, and it becomes a polypeptide.... and then another amino acid comes, and.... anyway....you get the idea....

5:11: Did I really just spend 13 mins staring at a simulation of polypeptides forming?!?!?!?!?
That is NOT time efficient. I better remember it after all that time spent watching it.

5:12: It is quite mesmerising though.....


I HAVE BEEN REVISING FOR AN HOUR, AND THE ONLY USEFUL THING I HAVE LEARNT IS THE MEANING OF 'SERVILITY'.
DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN NOW, WHEN I SAY THAT REVISION DOESN'T WORK FOR ME?????

I could have put the time to better use, and be over half way through watching A Cinderella Story. That is an hour of my life that has been wasted, and I will never get it back.

Thats so depressing.

'Yesterdaaaaaaay.........all my troubles seemed so far awaaaaaaay.......Now it seems like they are heeeere to staaaaaaaay..........ohhhh, I believ....in yesterdaaaaaaay............'

I'm going to cheer myself up now.